i’ve been thinking about neediness lately. Well, i say lately, but it’s something that’s always in the back of my mind. i worry about being too needy, wanting too much. But yet, i can’t pull myself back. This is just who i am.
i’ve figured out that it’s not weakness that makes me needy. It’s almost inaccurate to call it neediness, more, i’m driven to have an intense, emotional romantic relationship. i need this connection, i need it to function better in my every day life. Being connected makes me happy. i am a whole person on my own; i’m a better person with Master.
i have come to realize, that this isn’t a bad thing. This is just who i am, and how i function. How i function best. i can do without; but i don’t want to. i want to be brighter, happier. i’m a very enthusiastic person naturally, but i tend to be unfocused. It’s always been an issue for me… i’ve been a procrastinator all my life. i am so glad to have someone who is able to help keep me focused, to help me keep my goals in mind.
i really do feel more me in this relationship… i care more, i do more. my life with Master is fuller than it was before Him. i wanted more from life, but i had no one to share it with. i was empty, alone. Literally alone. Now, i feel as though i’m blooming, thriving under Him.
i’m so glad that Master understands that i need this. i do wonder, though, if i wasn’t like this, would i be as good a slave? Would i even be submissive? i’m not sure that i would be… who knows?