Merry Christmas

Posted on 22nd December 2012 in Personal

i’ve been busy getting ready for something very major… going to visit Master for my third time. And for Christmas! Master and i both dearly love Christmas. i’ll be meeting the remaining family members, and i’m not nervous at all this time. i am slightly nervous for Christmas dinner, but not too much. So what have i been busy doing, besides what i would normally be doing for a trip? Baking. Lots of baking…oatmeal raisin cookies, triple peanut butter, orange blossoms (not their real name, but what i’m calling them), butterscotch blondies, brownies, and cream cheese banana bread.

Okay, but this blog isn’t about baking, it’s about BDSM. i’m not really nervous about anything this time… not that we’ve done everything there is to do, and so we’re repeating ourselves….not at all. That trust is just building more and more between us. There are things to do….trying out the pretty new flogger i won as a prize, and things involving my breasts. Like tying them up, and more nipple training. If i was nervous about anything, it would be that. It didn’t go well last time. my nipples were entirely too large for regular clothespins. (first world sex problems.) And they’re super super sensitive anyways. So those clothespins hurt. i mean they HURT. Master tried stimulating me in other ways while they were on, but to no avail. i simply couldn’t take them at all. Master says He’s found some that don’t have pinch. i hope they work…otherwise we’ll have to go to the bigger ones that will actually fit me. i know Master very much wants to torture them. And He’s going to tie them up for the first time. i’m quite curious about the effects of that, as that’s not something either of us really have experience in.

i’m hoping everything we do will be awesome, as there have been difficult things that we’ve done that have skeeved me out in the past, and they all turned out somewhere between good and awesome. One of them was playing with food. i know that doesn’t sound iffy to most people, but i was very wary of it the first time. And the first time wasn’t especially pleasant for me. The second time, however, was much better. i really enjoyed it then, having the oil and pudding each spread over me. (The only problem then was combining peanut butter and pudding…. it got the oddest texture and was a pain to wash off…. once i finally got rid of it though, i could laugh about it. While i was trying to wash, though, i was very surly towards Master, as He was laughing, and it pissed me off. But now we can both laugh and joke about it.) The other was something nearly anyone would be put off by… taking Master’s piss over me, and drinking it too. i’ve done it both visits now. The first time, i will admit, i wanted to do it as a bit of oneupmanship. Master had a slave previous to me, and she had taken it over her. i wanted to prove that i could do more, go farther. i did it, and it turned out to be quite a loving moment. i know it might sound a bit off to say that, but it was truly touching. i showed my deepest devotion, and Master and i both cried because of that. In fact, i’m tearing up a bit now thinking back to it. i don’t know yet if we’ll do that again, but i’m prepared either way.

And of course, because it’s Christmas, there will be lots of family time, lots of time we will have to store our pent up lust. It will be difficult, but it must be done. And i’m excited about getting to dress up, as i will be attending my first Midnight Mass. And i’m excited, as it will be the most exposure i’ve really had to what will become my new faith. my ultimate faith, though, is always in Master. i trust Him with my life. i know He will always protect me, and cherish me, even as He uses me. i can’t wait to get started on my trip, and i hope everyone will like what i’ve baked, and the presents i bought. i’m off to finish packing…. Merry Chistmas!

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Daddy

Posted on 17th August 2012 in Personal

Sometimes, i don’t call my Master, Master. i call Him Daddy.

Now, this isn’t all that unusual in D/s from what i’ve read. And there are those on both sides of the fence on whether or not they engage in age play. But we do.

i call Him Daddy, and suddenly, i’m His little girl. It’s okay if i don’t know something, if i don’t know what i’m supposed to feel. i know it would be okay anyways, but i don’t like showing that. i always try to project confidence. But i don’t worry about that when i’m being little. Being little lets me be carefree; lets me be whimsical… well, even more whimsical would be most accurate, since i am that way normally. i’m more playful too.

There’s a special kind of warmth and safety with Daddy. i can’t quite explain it. Sometimes, i need Daddy strictly for comfort’s sake….. but so often, it’s really sexually charged. It’s really soft gentle sex….not that we’re always rough, we’re not usually, but it’s often really passionate and heated. It’s nice to have that softness sometimes. But the comfort is really where it’s at for me. It’s really such a tiny difference in how we treat each other. i always feel safe and protected with Master, so i don’t know why it feels so different with Daddy. It does though. i really do feel small again. i like that, because i haven’t been small in so very long. And the innocence. i’ve not been innocent in a long time either.

It’s so, so wrong. But it feels so good, despite the dirtiness of it. Maybe because of the dirtiness of it. i don’t care. i’m going to keep being His little girl whenever i get the chance.

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Neediness and the slave….

Posted on 12th August 2012 in Personal

i’ve been thinking about neediness lately. Well, i say lately, but it’s something that’s always in the back of my mind. i worry about being too needy, wanting too much. But yet, i can’t pull myself back. This is just who i am.
i’ve figured out that it’s not weakness that makes me needy. It’s almost inaccurate to call it neediness, more, i’m driven to have an intense, emotional romantic relationship. i need this connection, i need it to function better in my every day life. Being connected makes me happy. i am a whole person on my own; i’m a better person with Master.

i have come to realize, that this isn’t a bad thing. This is just who i am, and how i function. How i function best. i can do without; but i don’t want to. i want to be brighter, happier. i’m a very enthusiastic person naturally, but i tend to be unfocused. It’s always been an issue for me… i’ve been a procrastinator all my life. i am so glad to have someone who is able to help keep me focused, to help me keep my goals in mind.

i really do feel more me in this relationship… i care more, i do more. my life with Master is fuller than it was before Him. i wanted more from life, but i had no one to share it with. i was empty, alone. Literally alone. Now, i feel as though i’m blooming, thriving under Him.

i’m so glad that Master understands that i need this. i do wonder, though, if i wasn’t like this, would i be as good a slave? Would i even be submissive? i’m not sure that i would be… who knows?

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Been gone awhile

Posted on 26th January 2012 in Personal

Okay, so i’ve been gone for a while, not that much of anyone would miss me, lol.
Hopefully i’ll manage to get back to this.

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How “We” came to be…

Posted on 3rd November 2011 in Personal

i’ve actually been meaning to post this for a few days now, but i’m grasping at what to write about for tonight’s essay and so i’m here to get my writerly juices flowing.

Master and i met online late August 2010. It was on a social networking site, rather vanilla, but intended for adults only. (i won’t say here what site it was, but if you ask, i will tell you privately. It’s not intended to be a dating site or anything, lol, though some people use it that way.) We struck up a nice casual relationship, flirting and chatting, commenting on each other’s pictures. He freely told me about His slave, and i was a single girl. Something about Him struck me…He was funny, charming, smart, and so open, unashamed of the fact that He was a Master. Time passed, and we were happy enough to continue along this path, neither of us thinking it was ever going to be anything but a casual relationship, as we passed one another online. We lived too far apart, we were both to shy to say we had deeper feelings, and i couldn’t chase after another girl’s man, open relationship or not. i got involved with someone for a short time, and Master backed off. That relationship turned out to be an abysmal failure all around, but i got reminded of what i really wanted.

Forward to May 2011…not long out of the failed relationship, i was about ready to give up on love completely. i was miserable, tired, and missing my favorite flirt partner. i posted up a few new pics, and hey! i got comments from my favorite person! (He always gave me the best, if not the first, comments on my pics. :) ) So, in a moment of bravery, i started chatting Him up. i gave Him my contact information off-site, and He pounced on it. Over the next two days, we chatted, our flirting getting deeper, more serious, and then, we made love. (It might have been cyber-sex, but trust me, it was love-making just the same.) We each confessed we had loved one another from afar for a long time, and from that day on, we’ve been together. (Well, there were a couple days we weren’t technically, which i’ll talk about in another post.) And so, at that time, i became His girlfriend, and would remain that until June. June was when i stepped into slavedom, which took a lot of effort for me, as i had been in a very damaging D/s in the years prior, and also because i take my role so very seriously. i’m going to give that it’s very own post though.

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my name

Posted on 26th October 2011 in Personal

Hi! i’m bella, have i mentioned that? If not, i sincerely apologize…sometimes i get ahead of myself!

bella hasn’t always been my name. In fact i’ve been bella a relativity short time.
You see, bella is my slave name. Well, part of it, more properly, it is belladonna. (And even that isn’t even my full name,if the truth be told! my Master loves names, both of the pet and proper varieties.)
Before i was belladonna, i was Donna. When my Love came along, He called me “My Bella Donna” quite often. i loved it, no one had ever called me anything like that before in my life. And then the time came, when i became my Master’s slave, a story unto itself that i will tell another time. There was a period of time, where we were “unofficial”…we were Master and slave, and referred to each other as such, but we hadn’t yet taken our formal vows to one another. During this unofficial time, Master told me that when we took our vows, i would receive my slave name. And He told me that if He liked this name well enough, it would supplant my own.
This idea scared me to pieces. i didn’t want to give up my lovely name, that my mother had wanted for me for so long, that i had always lived with and had never been called anything but. my Master mentioned he had, perhaps, a Slavic name in mind for me, enjoying the Slavic-slave connection. And so, i thought, if i am to have a new name, perhaps i can have a say in it. i spent a couple days researching names, both Slavic, and not, and presented a list to Master. He gave no hint, and i had days to wait.
i was impatient…one of my worst traits!…and i pestered Master for a hint.
But none came, and so i had to relax, and try not to worry.
And finally, the night came. We said our vows, and my new name was bestowed upon me. belladonna.
i thought it so beautiful, i cried.
Master loved my new name so much, He asked me to change my name permanently. i happily agreed, though it hasn’t happened just yet.
i really do love my name, and i really do think it’s beautiful.
In fact, it’s literally beautiful…belladonna, does, after all, translate to “beautiful woman.”

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